Nothing Good Ever Lasts
by Melfina Lupin
Summary: *SLASH* It's Halloween at Hogwarts and Remus is visited by an old friend. *wink wink*


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Nothing Good Ever Lasts by Moon-Ying

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Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter

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Author's Note: this story is slash. If you don't like it please leave. Other than that please enjoy the story! ^_^ Also this story is told through Remus Lupin's POV and takes place during Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban (my favorite of the four HP books) Enjoy!

~*~*~*~

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When you're standing in deep water

And you're bailing yourself out with a straw

And when you're drowning in deep water

And you wake up making love to a wall

Well it's these little times that help to remind

It's nothing without love – Jewel

~*~*~*~

It was Halloween and I was still in my classroom late in the night. All round me I could hear normal clamor-the sound of shuffling papers, the distant voice of Peeves as he belted a brazen bar song halfway across Hogwarts, the soft popping of the flames behind my back in the glowing hearth. Above me the murmur of the Halloween feast going on drifted into my room but I wasn't much in the festive mood. Usually my hearing was exception, especially around the full moon, but the Wolfsbane Potion did work wonders. I had recently taken it and my senses had almost returned to normal, which was good since trying to sleep with a wolf's hearing was very difficult.

I was a strange feeling, feeling halfway like the mortal man that I was, but I was glad. For the first time in a long, long while I felt human, really human; for the first time I felt like I was just Remus Lupin, the Defense against Dark Arts professor at Hogwarts, School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. I felt ordinary man with an ordinary job and a place to stay. But for on day out of the month, I was forced to become something less human and more of a beast.

But I didn't want to think about it now. The night was too peaceful for such burdening thoughts. Plus it was Halloween, and though not at the feast, and I did want to be in the mood. The night was about candy and costumes unfortunately it was also an evening of great personal woe. 13 years ago Lily and James Potter were murdered. I guess that was enough not to put me in the spirit of celebration.

I sighed softly and put my quill down. I knew it was getting late in the evening but I still needed to grade my classes papers. Damn procrastination! Maybe someday I would be able to learn to be on top of things once and a while. Oh well, this was a good way to relax and keep my mind occupied, not quite like a warm bubble bath but it was tolerable. I had to stop myself from a yawn as I reached for my tea. I took a small sip of the cold liquid to wake myself up but ended up making a face. Cold lemon tea was almost as bad as Wolfsbane. With a shudder of disgust, I gulped down the rest and was ready to finish grading the papers before getting another cup.

At the moment Harry Potter's was on the top stack. He was a bloody brilliant boy (and a little self-conscious), like his mother, but had the unfortunate curious nature, like his father. Still the young wizard was a dear and courageous boy, so mature for his age. Looking down at his paper, with all it's small smudges of ink and misspelled words, it reminded me of time I was at Hogwarts as a student. Many times I forced James to let me see his homework to make sure it was correct, especially when he blew through his studies on Quidditch practice nights and morning games. James was always smart but unfortunately a bit dimwitted when it came down to Quidditch, nightly trips to the kitchen, and girls, especially Lily Evans.

I gave myself a little mental shake. Now was not the time to be thinking of the past. I finished grading Harry's assignment, giving it a 90% and writing a small note to warn him of future blots of ink and incorrect spelling. From the beginning of the term, I always gave my students small notes at the end of their homework. I didn't know why. Call it being a praising teacher if you need a reason.

I put Harry's paper aside and put my chin on my palm as I stared down at Hermione Granger's. I thought now would be a nice time to get myself a new cup of tea. My old chair groaned a bit as I pushed myself away from my cluttered desk and stood up. I stretched my exhausted muscles before reaching for my empty tea cup and turning around to the warm hearth. Inside the fireplace was a beaten teakettle, kept warm by the flames. I tried to be as quietly as possible. The silence in the room was quite deafening and it was a silence I didn't wish to break.

When I straightened up I notice a familiar figure in the doorway of my room. The shadows were thick but I could tell whom it way almost immediately. Like always he was dressed in a long robes the colors of midnight with his dark hair hanging to his shoulders, a bit unkempt. He too must have thought it was too much to be in the Halloween spirit.

"Severus," I said, forcing a kind smile (I really wasn't in the mood to entertain). "You gave me a start. What are you doing about so late? Why aren't you at the Halloween feast?"

"It's only 8:30 by my clock," the somber Potions Master told me, walking further into the room. He paused to shut the door behind him before continuing to my desk. Behind him his black robes dragged on my worn floor. In his white hands I noticed a smoking goblet. Oh dear…I must have forgotten to take the Wolfsbane tonight. 

"Sorry if I'm disturbing you, Lupin," Severus told me, setting the cup on my desk. "I would have gotten this to you earlier but Dumbledore wasn't so keen to have me leave so soon from the feast."

I smiled, moving forward to put my teacup down. "Yes, I had a hard enough time in convincing him to let me miss tonight."

"You are fortunate that he was lenient with you," Severus told me. "I wanted to see Potter in detention tonight but as it was Halloween Dumbledore to it upon himself to cancel all such things that would take away the…fun…of the night."

"What did he do this time, Severus? Talked through your class or simply was around you when you decided to be callous again?" I reached for the Wolfsbane, not minding the anger in Severus' face. "Don't you think you are a little too harsh with these young wizards especially the ones **not** in Slytherin?" Unfortunately I failed to notice that my visitor still had his hand wrapped around the goblet's neck and I ended up, accidentally, touching his cold fingers with my own. I desperately tried not to recoil from the contact and embarrass both of us all the more. It had been a long time I willed myself to touch another human being.

"Don't you think you are a little too forbearing with the students?" Severus replied his voice quite but cold, as I withdrew the Wolfsbane from his grip.

"I don't think I am," I whispered, carefully rotating the smoking liquid in the cup. 

"My point stands clear," he told me. "Someone has to be the disciplinary of these dim-witted children. I don't expect anything less than perfect from them. Unfortunately not most students meet my demands outside of Slytherin."

"I don't think you have the right in any case to decide if a student is perfect or not in your class," I responded coolly, quickly draining the potion. "Maybe your class is boring to them. And in a bored atmosphere the mind tends to wonder, Severus."

The Potions Master flashed me a wicked smirk. "Your insults drive me further to wonder why I continue to make Wolfsbane for you, Lupin," he replied in a deadly mutter.

I smiled and held the empty cup out to him. "Thank you by the way." Severus snatched the goblet away from me angrily. 

"I wonder if any of your students know the real you under your calm and collected mask," he seethed. 

"Oh, you know it's my nature to be sarcastic and cynical," I told him with a smile. "Plus you should know too that I don't mean half of my insults, Severus."

"Yes, and I'm clueless to know the half you **do** mean," he replied. "What are you doing?"

When he asked this question I suddenly felt very tired. I rubbed my eyes with my hands and tried to stop another yawn. "Just grading some papers. I'm halfway done so that's all good and well." I offered a weary smile. He gave a nod but gave no comment otherwise.

"If you don't have any prior engagements," I started to say. "Perhaps you'd like to stay for a bit? Keep me company?"

I only asked to be kind; I really didn't hope that he would take up the offer. But there was something in Severus' black eyes that I couldn't put my finger on. There was hesitance, yes, but was that…desire? No, my eyes were playing with me. Those boyhood feelings were so long ago. He shouldn't felt the same way…I shouldn't think of it.

"I'll stay for a bit," Severus murmured, summoning a chair next to my desk with his wand. I wanted to kick myself. When he sat down, I quickly returned to my seat, trying to keep him from my mind.

"What time did you say it was?" I asked after a moment.

"Er...8:30."

"Damn." I pulled back my black sleeve and glanced down at my own watched-battered, bruised, and now broken. "I'll just fix it later." Angrily, I pulled it off and tossed it into a near-by drawer. "Grading papers makes time go by so slow. It feels more like midnight."

Severus eyed the stack of parchment before me. "May I?" he asked, gesturing to them with his long index finger.

I shrugged and picked up my quill once more, my eyes roaming over Hermione's paper; no it was more like a book. Being the most brilliant witch I had ever encountered, the young girl should have known that teachers really didn't like to grade such long reports. Still she did give a good effort that amazed me. 

I sighed. "Maybe I should tell Miss Granger that I will deduct points if she goes over 25 inches," I muttered under my breath as I unrolled more parchment. "How much is there really to know about Red Caps?"

I glanced at Severus at the corner of my eye. He was frowning contemplatively as he looked down at the parchment in his hands. "Tsk, tsk," he murmured with a shake of his head. I raised my head.

"What is it?"

"Half of what Mr. Potter wrote about Red Caps is incorrect," Severus explained. "And you gave him a relatively decent grade. A 50% is more fitting I believe."

"As the teacher on this subject, what he wrote is very true, Severus," I replied, trying to mask my anger with my calm mask. "Plus I like to think that I can grade however way I like. Much like you who favors your own house in your classroom, which is very unfair to the other students."

A heinous sneer tugged at the corners of his thin mouth. "Whatever you think, Lupin," he said pleasantly as he sat the paper back on my desk. "I cannot put my decision in your work."

That's bloody right, I thought without a sound. I forced a smile politely and returned to grading once more. Before long I heard another shuffle of parchment but I didn't look up. I sighed though, wondering what he would say next.

Severus made another low 'tsk' sound with his tongue before he said, quite calmly, "He deserved The Kiss."

I looked up again, curious. "Who does, Severus?" I asked, my brow lined. But I should have known. With on leg braced across the other, Severus sat, holding up my copy of the _Daily Prophet_ I sought to push from my mind and yet didn't have the heart to destroy. I bit my lower lip, my heart turning very heavy.

"Sirius Black," he told me, looking into my eyes as though to see through me. "If the dementers catch him, they are allowed to give him the kiss. Such trouble. The ministry should have killed him long ago."

"Without the trail of course?" I asked. I tried to sound nonchalant and not shocked but his words.

Severus glared at me, one of his thin eyebrows rising up. "Naturally," he told me, disgust pouring from his lips. 

I nodded mutely and looked away. For a moment it was too hard to breathe and it began to feel as though the room was beginning to turn like a carousal. I squeezed my eyes shut, hoping to block my tears.

"I thought you would say something as unmerciful as that," I murmured softly.

"Are you defending him, Lupin?" Severus asked me. "Do you defend what he has done?"

I didn't answer.

Sirius Black, twelve years ago you killed James and Lily Potter. I hate you. Twelve years ago you killed me with that same betrayal. I have never been the same since that Halloween night in 1981.

For twelve tears I never talked about him. I forced any newspapers away that had stories of him; I turned off the TV when something came on. I thought I'd never want to see him again. Yet whenever I had a moment's peace, Sirius' face did show up in my mind and I was powerless to stop it. Not many people knew I loved Sirius. Peter, James and Lily were the few. And not many knew it still pained me to think of him, or my life since 1981, or of so many things.

Ex-lover…that word seemed so odd to me. It was hard to imagine love ever being in my life; it's been so long! Yet at one time I knew love. At one time I was in love, so in love that I was overwhelmed and couldn't breathe. But it didn't matter. The world could have ended and I wouldn't have cared, my only hope being that **he** be at my side. My world was on fire with love and all I knew, breathed, cared for, thought of was **him**, Sirius Black, my dark angel.

Unfortunately love does have the ability to cover truth. By the end of your 7th year fear, jealousy, and anger had all but ripped the four Marauder's apart. It was another time I feared to think about. After graduation I lost contact with Peter, James, Lily, and my dear Sirius. Times were very dark and by the advice of Dumbledore I went into hiding. The Dark Lord was collecting as many werewolves he could to aid his side. Because we are dark beasts, werewolves have a desire for what is evil even though the human counterpart yearns for goodness. Evil to a werewolf is just like a taste of blood the beast inside always desires. I couldn't tell anyone of my departure, much to my sorrow, but I left quietly, not leaving a single trace of my whereabouts. This very act, though completely for my safety, caused Sirius and James to suspect I **was** indeed Voldemort's servant. Such irony because in the end the traitor was Sirius.

White-hot pain surged through my every nerve suddenly and I was pulled mercifully from my thoughts. I opened my eyes, darkness invading my vision. I looked to my left and right and for a moment I didn't know where I was. But then I saw Severus' pale hand boldly resting upon my own. His touch was gentle but cold even though the pain of the unwanted contact was making my blood seethe with fire. I slowly raised my eyes to his face. Severus was staring back at me with the utmost pity and abandon, his face calm but lined. 

"Are you sure you don't suffer needlessly, Remus?" he asked gently, his fingers bruising my flesh with steady caresses.

I was in disbelief. Dear God, this can't be happening to me again! We were just… children when Severus' admitted that he fancied me…surely he would have gotten over his infatuation by now! Unlike last time, there was no Sirius to protect me from his advances. God, I'm so weak. I hate myself, I thought. So bloody weak. I always have been!

I parted my lips and inhaled a shuddering breath, pain rushing over my face like a wave. Yet I couldn't find the strength to pull away from him.

"It's been so long since he was sent to Azkaban," Severus whispered, closer then ever before. "When will you forget him? He is nothing to anyone anymore. When will you start to live again?"

I couldn't take it anymore. It was so easy to run and hide. I looked away from him, my eyes burning with disgust and self-abhorrence, and all around me I found nothing that would help my circumstances. Deep inside me, something darker was stirring. The wolf wasn't in the mood to play tonight. It wanted to leash out and attack. I bit down on my lower lip until it was throbbing with pain and the wolf succumbed for the moment. 

"I can't," I said, my voice sounding more like a growl. "I can't do anything! I'm…I'm bound to these feelings inside…I can't…" I didn't finish. I hung my head. My eyes were closed yet the tears came just the same.

"You still can't…love…that traitor, can you?" Severus asked. There was a note of hostility in his voice that made me wince.

"I don't know," I whispered into the dark room. "I just can't…I don't know…I should loathe him for what he did but I can't." I covered my mouth with my free hand, my throat dry and aching. "In the end **I** end up loathing myself for what I am and what I feel."

I couldn't see Severus' black frown but I heard it in his voice as he spoke. "And if he comes here?! What will you do?"

"The dementers will handle him," I spat out.

There was a momentary pause. For a second I thought Severus would drop the subject (I'd be only too eager to help him). But he spoke again, his voice soft. "But you don't trust them," he incriminated. "How can you have faith in them?"

"They are evil, Severus," I told him under my breath. "They are creatures of the dark."

"Like you?"

I frowned, narrowing my eyes.

"I've stepped over the line, Remus," Severus said quickly with a sigh, all malice vanishing from his voice. "I'm sorry."

I nodded but said nothing. You have been stepping over the line ever since you arrived, I thought bitterly. Why can't I make you just leave me alone?

"Do you still love him?"

It felt as though I suddenly fell into an icy river. A cold numbness ran throughout by body and for a moment my lungs refused to work. Do I still love him, I asked myself. Can I still love him?

"You, of course, know of the affections I still have for you," Severus continued. "When you let the past die?"

There was a great pull inside my heart, a tug-a-war so to speak. Of course everyday I wished that I could let the past die. It would be so much easier that way. If only I could just forget and continue with my miserable and lonely life in peace. Then the wolf inside came alive and held on to the memories like there was no tomorrow. The wolf could never forget its mate and my mate was Sirius. The wolf would never let him go.

For a moment I wanted to die. I shook my head, slowly opening my eyes. "I…I…" I licked my lips and swallowed. "I can't." I jumped from my seat, ripping my hand away from Severus' as though I had been burnt with silver. He stared up at me, his dark eyes bewildered. But he didn't say a word.

"I can't do a bloody thing," I shouted. I turned to my desk, gathering the papers and shoving them into my old case with trembling hands. I didn't bother to tie the strings to keep the case together. Instead I just wrapped my arms around the bundle and made a desperate escape to the door. Behind me I heard Severus climb to his feet.

"Lupin, wait," he called out.

I didn't stop. "Good night, Professor," I replied without looking back. "Thank you for the Wolfsbane." I was near my breaking point and that was very dangerous. Tears of pain and frustration built up in my eyes and fell down my pallid face. I needed peace and quite. I needed to gather my thoughts and calm down. I needed to push those emotions back to where they belonged.

I was almost to the door when I found myself slammed up against it. All around me my student's fluttered to the floor in slow motion while by battered case laid open and empty by a near-by desk. Before me, and too close for comfort, was Severus, his hands placed on the door on both sides of my head. I was trapped. A warning buzz blew of in my mind as I stared at him, speechless. The look in his eyes alarmed me. 

"Severus…" I warned, feeling the wolf begin to get violent.

I was quickly cut off when he lowered his face to mine and delivered a searing kiss upon my mouth. I froze. I wanted to fight him, to push him from me, to run away but I could do nothing. His lips were hot and hard against mine and I could smell the mustiness of his ancient robe surround me. I felt sick inside. Then I felt Severus deepen the kiss, fervidly caressing and licking my ridge lips with his tongue. At my side, my hands clinched into shaking fists before I raised them. My hands found Severus' neck and traveled up to his face. I pressed my fingertips into his cheeks and, after a moment, I forced my fingernails into his cold flesh, hoping to draw blood.

I heard Severus sigh into my mouth before he leaned into my body, resting his knee in the sensitive spot between my legs. I tensed up; swallowing my groan while coerced pleasure began to burn inside of me. Severus continued to ravish my lips while my mind began to wonder back to times when Sirius and I kissed. My body started to respond before I knew it and I wrapped my arms around his neck, pulling him closer to me, and opening my mouth for his onslaught. Inside my head, I thought surely Sirius had returned to me.

Soon was I kissing Severus with all the passion I could muster, my senses drugging me with the intense pleasure that felt like it was ripping me apart. He finally pulled his hands away from the wall to burn my face and my chest with his caresses while his leg began to rub against my increasing arousal. I moaned softly into his hot mouth as my hips began to thrust.

I heard my heart pounding in my eras like crazy and all the while I thought, Sirius…Sirius…Sirius.

A sudden chill filled the room as if someone had left a window open in the classroom. A terrible shriek carried on the draft erupted in my ears. The sound was terrifying, almost like an animal's crying out in pain, and I was rendered deaf and shocked for a moment. My eyes flew open as Severus pulled away from me, ashen with alarm glowing in his black eyes. He whirled around, his wand out and ready as his long robes billowed in the gust of icy wind.

No one, or nothing for that matter, was in my office. The cold breeze continued to blow through the room from the open door behind my desk, scattering the loose papers all the more. The strangely thrown open door swung on its hinges in the wind.

"What the hell was that?!" Severus hissed, his breath coming out in white clouds. "You heard it too, right?"

I was motionless; staring at the open door I said nothing. My heart felt like it had dropped into my stomach. Just then I heard frantic footsteps in the hallway outside my classroom. With each passing moment they became clearer and louder until I was flung forward as Professor McGonagall suddenly threw open my door.

She seemed in a state of complete panic. I rarely saw the Head of Griffindor lose her composure so I immediately feared for the worst.

"Good you are both here," she panted, clutching her robes covering her heart. "Come with me quickly!"

"What's happened?" I asked, paling a bit.

"It's horrible, Lupin," Professor McGonagall told me, walking back into the hallway. "I never seen anything like it before…The Fat Lady was attacked!"

~*~*~*~

There was already a crowd outside the Griffindor entrance and Dumbledore was in the middle of it, unusually grim. In the back of the fidgety gathering I spotted Harry, Ron, and Hermione. They were whispering to one another and trying to see what was happening. I went straight to Dumbledore with Minerva and Severus following quickly behind me. The Headmaster watched us hurry forward; his face gave nothing away.

"Headmaster," I asked, keeping my voice down, "what's happened?"

Dumbledore offered a simple but apologetic smile as he looked at me, one of his hands reaching up to grab my shoulder gently. "Complete destruction, Professor Lupin," he said with a heavy sigh. He suddenly looked like an old man to me. "And completely unforeseen." At this he stepped aside to reveal what had happened.

"Oh my," Minerva gasped with a sharp intake of breath.

I looked at the large portrait behind Dumbledore, not knowing what to expect. What I saw made the blood drain away from my face. At my side Severus stood as still as wood. The once occupied picture was now empty and long, horrid slashes across the magical canvas now filled it. More of the picture had fallen to the floor in tattered piles.

"Who has done this?" Severus asked after a moment. His voice was surprisingly calm.

Dumbledore shook his head. "We have no clue, Severus," he replied, his voice sharp and sad. "Beside the Fat Lady, **no one** saw anything and **no one** was around to see it."

Severus frowned but said nothing. He did spare me a burning glare. What was this all about? I bit my lower lip and looked at the tortured image once more.

"We need to find her," Dumbledore told Minerva in a quiet voice, "Professor McGonagall, please go to Mr. Filch at once and tell him to search every painting in the castle for the Fat Lady."

I saw Minerva give a simple nod and start to turn away. A familiar voice stopped her. 

"You'll be lucky!" A dementedly gleeful voice suddenly rang out over the hallway. The corridor was immediately hushed. I looked up and saw the ghostly figure of Peeves hovering above the apprehensive crowd of students and teachers. There was a smile on his face I didn't much care for. Leave it to Peeves to be the only happy one when something goes wrong. 

"What do you mean, Peeves?" Dumbledore asked the lunatic poltergeist.

"Ashamed, you Headship Sir," Peeves replied with a deep nod. "Doesn't want to be seen. She's a horrible mess. Saw he running through the landscape up on the fourth floor, sir, dodging between the trees. Crying something dreadful…poor thing."

"Did she say who it was?" the headmaster asked the question written on everyone's pale faces.

"Oh yes, Professorhead!" Peeves quickly replied, ghostly eyes widening with delight. "He got very angry when she wouldn't let him in, you see. Nasty temper he's got, that Sirius Black."

Next to me, I heard Minerva gasp while a panicked murmur rose up from the Griffindor students. Above them, Peeves grinned and quickly disappeared from sight, most likely very cheerful at how much distress his announcement caused. I closed my eyes, feeling Severus' glare upon me again. What was he thinking? There was a terrible pain in my stomach like I had swallowed a hunk of silver. I wanted to cry out, to relieve myself of the anguish but I kept my silence for fear of drawing unneeded attention to myself.

Dear god, my mind screamed at once. He was here…at Hogwarts!

"That is quite enough, my dear students," Dumbledore's calm voice rose above the turmoil. "Please return to the Great Hall at once. And stick together! Perfects please led the way!"

When I finally opened my eyes I noticed the hallway was very empty expect for Dumbledore Minerva, Severus, and myself. For a moment the headmaster regarded us with a controlled expression on his face, only his eyes gave a hint of what he thought and they were very somber.

"Minerva," he spoke softly after a moment. "Please come with me to rouse the other houses. Severus, check the dungeons and, Remus, search this floor for Black. I doubt he stayed long to linger but I want to be absolutely sure."

"Shouldn't we get the dementers involved with this, Headmaster?" Severus asked him.

"I don't think it's necessary," Dumbledore replied impassively. "I don't want them to step on foot inside of Hogwarts. Is that clear, Severus?"

"Of course, sir," he muttered with an angry frown.

As if in a daze, I watched as both Minerva and the headmaster turn and leave the hallway. Silence settled over the dark corridor as their footsteps faded into nothing. I stood immobile, not knowing what to do. I didn't trust y limps enough to move and I didn't depend upon my voice to break the heavy hush.

"Remus?" Severus quietly spoke up.

I shook my head and retrieved my wand from my dark robe without a word. "There is no time for this," I muttered darkly and hurried away. I didn't look back and he didn't follow.

~*~*~*~

I didn't check the second floor; I couldn't. The hallway outside the teachers' quarters was mercifully unoccupied. I went straight to my room, shutting the door and locking it tightly. My heart was slamming in my chest a mile a minute and my breath was coming and going with panting sobs. I couldn't think. I wanted the world to stop, to swallow me alive, to kill me. I buried my face in my hands, my shoulders enclosing around me. 

Dear God, Sirius had been here!

And that's all I thought. Inside my bones and all my organs felt like cold steel. I felt worn and exhausted as if I had been awake for weeks. I could feel my hot tears wetting my face like rainwater during a storm. I cried in the darkness, alone and afraid.

After a while I ordered myself to calm down. With my hands trembling I wiped my face with the sleeves of my robes and turned away from my door. I couldn't see much but I felt my way to the window across the room. It was a moonless night, as dark as my room. I stood there with the silence tearing at my ears as I looked out over the black landscape. It was as empty as my heart. I sniffed pathetically and cross my arms over my chest to ward off the sudden chill I felt. 

"That was some pretty heavy snogging," a familiar voice broke the silence suddenly. It was so cold that the chill I sensed felt warm. "I think you have done an amazing job to phase me out completely." 

I didn't have time to be afraid. In an instant I spun around, ripping my wand from my robe. I held to out and pointed it forward. At first I didn't see the threat but as the stillness returned I began to hear my intruder's breath inhale and exhale evenly and deeply. My heart stopped. As my vision began to sharpen in the darkness, I saw the shadowy figure sitting in my chair by the head of the bed. Then I could make out the dirty robes that clung to his gaunt body, the overly long unkempt hair, and the shadow of a face I could hardly remember. His eyes glared at me, a hostile and deadened look that burned into my head.

My mouth fell open. "My God!" I exclaimed, dropping my wand in complete shock. "Sirius!"

I saw his twisted smile through the darkness. "Hello, love," he whispered softly.

"Dear God," I murmured again. I couldn't take my eyes off of him. I couldn't believe he was it! He had changed so much…what the bloody hell was he thinking! This couldn't be happening; I couldn't believe it.

After a moment I started to breathe again and before I knew it I was walking forward. My hands were out as if I was reaching to touch him and tears were once again falling down my face. My fingertips were inches away from Sirius' face and I could feel his intense glare upon my own. Before I could feel him under me fingertip he suddenly jumped up and moved away from me with the speed of a demon. He looked livid. My heart stopped and I was suddenly scared of him. Even though he looked so thin and weak I could sense power pouring from him.

He paced around the room, fuming, while the pain in my stomach returned. Wrapping my arms around my middle, I slowly lowered myself to my knees, falling back a bit to collapse against the chair behind me. I felt so exhausted. I lowered my head, defeated, and squeezed my eyes shut. All too soon I felt my eyelashes became damp by more tears. Sirius didn't say anything but I felt his stare upon me-piercing, angry, and almost accusing.

Was he going to kill me too?

He saw me, I thought, feeling as low as a squashed bug on the side of a dirty rode. He saw me…Oh God. Again I wished that the floor would open up and swallow me whole. I started to cry softly and begin to tremble.

"Sirius," I whispered, not daring to look up at him. "What are you doing here?"

I heard a shuffle of robes and when I did glance up, my eyes aching and watery, I saw that he was crouching on the floor, feet away from me. My heart sunk into my stomach. Sirius' pale lips were pulled away from his teeth and his stare was determined. He reminded me of a predator and I was his docile prey, ready to give up its meaningless life.

"I am here on business, Moony," I told me, saying my old nickname as if it was a foul curse. I shuddered. His voice was so cold. "To get a rat so to speak-"

"Harry?" I asked. "Sirius, I swear to God I will kill you before you harm on hair on that boy's head!"

Sirius shook his head slowly. "No, the rat I'm looking for is an animagus…I'm sure you know who I'm talking about, Moony. He did go to school with us."

My eyes grew wide and my mouth twisted in confusion. "You're mad, Sirius. Peter is dead. You…he…" I didn't finish.

"Do you actually believe I killed him?" he hissed.

"Er…It seems possible," I muttered nervously. "But now I'm not so sure. Did you kill him, Sirius?"

"No, but I really wanted to," he told me, his voice hard with sincerity. "Moony, he was the one that gave Lily and James away to the Dark Lord. He was their Secret-Keeper."

I gasped without making a sound. "Why? Why didn't you tell me?!" I choked out. "You're innocent?!"

Sirius nodded gravely. I frowned. "Not Peter," I murmured. "He was always so nice and quiet and scared of everything if…if…you or…James…weren't around. How could he…"

"Why don't you believe me?" he question, anger rising in his voice.

I flinched when he shouted. For a moment, Sirius looked at me as if he didn't know what to make of me. 

"You're scared of me, aren't you?" Sirius sounded thunderstruck.

"Yes," I murmured softly. I never was good at lying so I didn't even try. Plus I had the feeling that he could easily see through the falsehood. I didn't look to see his reaction; I was too ashamed.

"I swear I'm not going to hurt you, Moony," Sirius told me, his voice gentle for the first time. "I really want to ring your neck at the moment but you have to believe me. I would never lie about this! Peter is alive and now roams the Griffindor tower as Scabbers."

"Ron's pet?" I echoed. "But…but I thought that you…er…killed him."

"No," he replied. "I would have though. When I cornered him the day after their deaths, he accused me of killing Lily and James, said a curse with a wand he had behind his back, and in the confusion he turned into a rat and ran to the sewers. He cut his bloody thumb off, Moony!" His hand drove inside his robe and soon he pulled out a piece of paper, dirty and tattered. He held it out to me. "Here. Take a look at this and tell me that you believe me."

I stared at him for a moment, my eyes traveling from the paper he held to his face. I frowned and moved forward, reaching out. The paper felt very ragged under my fingertips as though it had been folded and refolded countless times. I sat back and slowly opened the piece of newspaper. The image was bleary but I could see it was of the Weasley family with pyramids in the background. They were smiling and looking very happy. Then my eyes caught something on Ron Weasley's shoulder. It was more than a small blur. I narrowed my eyes and looked closer. It was Scabbers. But then I saw something that I had never seen before. The rat was missing a toe; to be accurate it was a thumb. 

"Dear God…" I murmured, closing my eyes as if in great pain. "It all makes a twisted sort of sense. How perfect it would be if he got a place in a wizard family with ties to the ministry! Why didn't you tell me, Sirius?"

"Like you would really care, Moony. You just up and let without telling anyone! I thought because we…because you and I…er…were close…that you would have…Damn it, we were so worried about you! I trusted you, Moony! How could you just leave me like that?!" I opened my mouth to speak but Sirius held up his hand for silence and continued. "Then we began to see the truth. You were just another servant of Voldemort." He glared at me, his eyes angry and livid. 

I scoffed. "You have no right to accuse me of such a crime, Sirius. I would have died than betrayed them. They were my friends. I left for my safety! Dumbledore told me Voldemort was undertaking the task of bewitching werewolves and other dark creatures to his side. I didn't want to be on his side so I fled to where no one would find me. I wanted to leave a note, telling you or James where I was going. I really wanted to! But it was too dangerous, Sirius."

I glared at him. He looked so different, so thin and far too exhausted. Yet I could still see traces of the passion and personality radiating from him that was more like his younger self, the part of him I was still madly in love with. But as I continued to stare at Sirius, his face seemed to harden like ice under my watch.

"I wanted to see you too," Sirius spoke after a moment. "Besides killing Peter, I wanted to see you. I used the back passages that connect the classrooms together. Nothing was back there besides some spiders and a lot of dust."

I bit my lower lip and looked away, feeling my face burn with embarrassment. Suddenly I was glad the room was so dark. I dreaded to know where this was going.

"I knew you were the new Defense Against Dark Arts teacher and I made a guess that the classroom was still the same one when we were here was students," Sirius whispered. "I just wanted to see you so badly…and then I saw you with…him. Why? How could you…" He shook his head, scowling. "Dear God, it was Snape!" there was an expression of horror and animosity written on his face. My heart broke all the more. 

"Sirius," I cried quietly. "It was an accident. I really didn't mean to do it. I wanted to push him away but I was so stupid…I…I was just so lonely that I…"

"Hell, I was lonely too at Azkaban," he hissed. "But I didn't jump up and kiss the closest dementer I saw!"

"That's not funny, Sirius!" I replied in alarm. "The ministry has given them the orders to give you the kiss if they find you. God, all of outside is crawling with dementers!" I shook my head, ordering myself to calm down. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath, rubbing my temples with my fingers. "Sirius," I began more slowly this time, "I think you should know that when I…er…kissed Snape I was thinking about you. Some part of me actually thought that you had come back to me." I sighed, glancing up at Sirius. "You don't have to believe me," I quickly added. "But it's the truth; I swear it. I would never intentionally want to hurt you. You should know that."

Sirius didn't saw anything for a moment. I bit my lower lip again, wander what he was thinking. Did he hate me? Was he still angry? He looked as though he wanted to believe me but I also noticed something holding him back. But twelve years of painful solitude was enough not for him to trust me again. Was I hoping too much?

I lowered my eyes to the ground. I was still there, my old robe covering the floor with my hair hanging down my hair like a curtain. Finally I heard Sirius move. His bony hand reached for my wand. He grabbed it and stood up very slowly as if he didn't trust his legs to hold him up. I stared at him. He looked taller than what I remembered and his dirty gray garment hung like a second skin on his painfully gaunt frame. He walked closer to me and knelt down, extending my wand out so I could take it. Hesitantly I glanced at Sirius. He offered a genuine smile and my heart stopped for a moment. It was strange how his smile transformed his face; it made it warmer and less frightening. After a moment my hand reached forward and I pulled my wand out of Sirius grasp.

"Are you still angry with me, Padfoot?" I whispered, putting aside my wand. "Because I…"

"No," he told me. Before I knew it he put the back on his hand against my cheek. "But, God, Moony, It was Snape! You thought he was me? I'm highly insulted! I know sure as hell that I kiss a whole lot better then he ever will!"

I laughed, reaching up to clasp his hand gently in mine. "You do," I sighed, smiling quietly as I rubbed my cheek against his blacken knuckles. "From what I can remember, you do."

"Thanks," Sirius whispered, still smiling. "Do you still think I killed Lily and James?"

"No," I replied. "You're innocent. Dear God, if we get Peter, you can have your name cleared! You won't have to go back to Azkaban. You'd be able to live again!"

Sirius smiled, a familiar spark of integrity burning in his hallow eyes. "That's what I've been thinking all along," he whispered. Then he added, "Don't you try to go after him, Moony. I mean it. Leave Peter to me…"

"But it's too dangerous for you!" I protested. "For your safety I don't want you coming back here! Let me get him…"

"No," Sirius firmly interrupted. "I will go through hell and back before I refuse to kill Peter for what he has done. A few dementers don't scare me."

"What about a hundred, Padfoot?" I asked him. "If you ask me, you are not scared enough."

"I'm not asking and I'm not compromising, Moony. I'll come back again and again until I get him."

I frowned at him. "Still as careless as ever, I see." Sirius looked indignant. "Don't give me that! What were you thinking attacking the Fat Lady like that!"

Sirius shrugged. "I got angry. Damn it, Mooney, Peter was just beyond the painting! I couldn't just take 'no' for an answer!"

"Will you continue to be just as reckless the next time you come?" I asked. "There is such a thing as a low profile, you know. If you let me help you…"

Sirius shook his head. "I want to do this alone," he told me. "There is no sense in getting both of us in trouble if something happens. You finally have a shot for a normal life. I don't want you to get…."

I sighed, nodding. "Fine," I murmured. "Next time, don't came here. Leave as quickly as you can. I'll be damned if you're found."

"You don't want me to see you again?"

I shook my head. "Not if it means pushing the limits, Padfoot," I told him sadly. "But if you ever need anything, you know where to find me, all right, Padfoot?"

"If I need anything…" he slowly replied, his eyes clouding over in the darkness. "All right. I'll promise not to see you again as long as you promise me that you won't go after Peter."

I pressed my lips together and glared at him. "Fine," I murmured. "You have me promise."

"I wouldn't have taken a 'no' for an answer anyway," he told me, squeezing my hand gently.

I smiled, feeling my eyes become misty all at once. I reached up and carefully touched his face with my fingertips. Sirius looked so fragile like the next wind could break his bones. From his sunken temples, I felt my way down his unshaven cheeks to his chin, running my thumbs across his jaw. I studied his face for a long time. I saw the pain in his dark eyes-the deadened, isolated look-the pale scar on his right cheek, and every little blemish on his face. He looked completely different from his former self. His hair was lengthier and was no longer shiny and soft and a mouth weighed down by starvation and misery now covered up his captivating smile.

"What did Azkaban do to you?" I asked sadly, shaking my head. "You will, of course, stay long enough to clean up and eat something, won't you, Padfoot?"

Once again I saw uncertainty make its way into Sirius' eyes. For some reason my stomach began to knot up as I wanted for his reply. Please stay, I thought silently.

"It's not safe to try to get out now, Padfoot," I told him. "All the hallways of school are being searched. Someone will find you if you tried to leave."

Slowly Sirius nodded. "You're right. Even if I changed to a dog, it's still too dangerous," I murmured with a pondering frown. "I'll wait…Thank you."

"Don't worry about it," I replied with a smile. "You'd do the same for me."

"That I would." He reached up and clasped my hands in his. His hold was tight but warm and comforting at the same time. Immediately my insides began to quiver. It was a familiar feeling. How often would I melt when Sirius would hold my hand, out contact hidden by our robes, when he walked to classes? It was a feeling that I suddenly missed.

"I need to ask you something," Sirius told me quietly after a moment. "I know this isn't the time but I really need to know."

"What it is?" I was curious by the solemnity in his voice. I squeezed his hand in mine. "You can as me anything, Padfoot."

He looked at me and smiled slowly. "Fine," he murmured. "Just don't interrupt, okay?" I nodded. He sighed. "At Azkaban the only think that kept me sane was the thought that I was innocent. It was the **only** think, Moony. Besides that I was left with very bad memories because the dementers wouldn't let me think of anything good. 

"Some nights it was harder to hold onto the truth that Peter had wronged me-had wronged all of us. On those nights I forgot all the good times and forgot everyone that meant anything to me. I slowly forgot our relationship, not that I wanted to, but that it was impossible to keep. Most of it was very good but I was allowed some memories of our fights like the time like after I to led Snape to the Womping Willow and you wouldn't talk to me for a month.

" It was those kind of memories that drove me mind and when I finally escaped I couldn't think about you. All I knew was Peter, and I was out to find him. But a couple of days afterwards all the sadness and depression left and I got all my memories back. I couldn't believe I was ever happy. But I was and I had you. When I saw Hogwarts I knew I had to see you and I knew that I had to find out if you still felt the same way about me. So what is it that you feel, Moony?" 

"I…" I was speechless for a moment. I shook my head and lowered my eyes. What was he asking? Of course I still loved him. How could I not? But was so strange to admit it. "I…I still care for you, Padfoot."

"Care? Is that all?" Sirius sounded like he was going to cry.

I shook my head. "No, it's more than that; much more than that. My feelings have never changed for you. You were my friend…and my mate. I could never hate you all though I really wished I could. But Moony could never hate his mate even though Remus tried to hate his friend."

Sirius smiled at me. "I need to let you that I still…love you," he whispered. Before I could say anything he leaned over and placed his lips on mine. 

Oh God, I thought, closing my eyes. Familiar feelings swam through my body while me nerves shook with chills. I leaned into Sirius, tasting his hot lips with my own. It seemed so perfect. I didn't mind his dirty robes or unshaven face. I couldn't have cared less. He was here with me now and that was all that mattered.

I put my arms around his neck and pulled him close to me. I felt his hands slowly move up my spine, sending shivers throughout my body, his fingers pressing warmly into my back. I sighed as I felt Sirius massage my lips with his tongue. I quickly opened my mouth and let him brush against my tongue. He tasted like spices. He explored my mouth, pouring his desire and passion into my body. I moan softly, tightening my hold as I sensed my arousal becoming harder and harder as the enthusiastic kiss continued to fill me with acute pleasure. I wanted him so badly. I wanted to taste all of him and touch him, giving his the pleasure only I knew who to give him. I wanted to feel his naked flesh burning against mine. I wanted to feel his heart race inside his chest and hear his moans in my ears. 

It was painful when I pulled away from him. 

We were panting for breath as we stared at each other. His dark eyes were misty with desire and confusion as he looked at him. There was a dark look to him that made me ache to have him. "Why did you stop?" he asked me softly.

I wanted to kiss him again, to throw away all and any caution. But I forced myself to calm down. "If we continue," I told him, "you will never get your chance to eat something decent or clean up." I stood up, offering my hand. "Now, come on." I hated to be so cool with him but that was how I've always been. I hide my passion and love behind a mask of friendly calm.

Sirius took my hand and staggered to his feet. He stood very close to me and I had to force myself to start breathing. I pointed to a door in the room. "The bath is in there. Use anything you want and there is one of my robes in there. You can use that too."

I felt Sirius' hand on the back of my neck, his long fingers toying with my hair. I shivered and looked up at him. He was very close to me, his face inches from mine. "And what about you?" he asked softly. His voice was heavy with desire. "Will you be joining me?"

I smiled at him, feeling color rush into my face. "No, I'm going to the kitchens. Is there anything you particularly what?"

Sirius shook his head. "At the moment I could eat anything."

"All right." I moved away from him with great difficulty and retrieved my wand. "I'll be back soon. I don't know if they are searching this hall or not but I will put a silencing and a locking charm around the room." I saw Sirius give a nod and I turned around, making my way to the door.

"I'll be back as soon as I can," I told him as I slipped through the threshold and firmly shut the door behind me.

The hallway was black and mercifully empty. For a moment I heard nothing and my ears bathed in the thick silence. I sighed quietly before pulling my wand out and pointing it to my door. I muttered the locking charm and finally the silencing charm. The once exotic mantra rolled of my tongue with ease. The words were so familiar to me. For so long I had tried to become perfect in them, to make myself safer in the werewolf form. Now I could save Sirius with them. I was never more grateful to be a beast that made me learn them.

~*~*~*~

I was back at my room a half an hour later. Hidden in the folds of my robe was a small food basket that the Hogwarts house-elves had graciously made for me. They were so happy to help that they didn't ask questions. I had taken the long way to the kitchens, not daring to pass the dungeons. Most of the halls had been frighteningly empty and the silence of the castle was very unusual, even Peeves was not making much noise. Wherever he was. Were they through searching the school, I wondered. 

"Padfoot?" I whispered as I opened my door (after recalling the locking spell). I glanced in quickly and saw a figure sitting on my bed, almost as dark as the shadows. Sirius looked up at me and I went inside, locking the door again.

"Here," I said, pulling the basket from my robe. "I got all I could. I'll get more when you leave. Didn't they feed you anything at Azkaban?" I asked before I thought otherwise.

He looked at me, a sad sort of smile on his thin mouth as he stared into my eyes. He didn't seem insulted at all. "Not nearly enough, Moony. In a place like that there is much more to drive you crazy then starvation," he replied, taking the basket from me. He settled it on his lap and quickly peering into it. "Thank you, Moony."

All I could do was give a little nod and stand there for a moment like an ogling simpleton. The change that had come over Sirius was amazing though not completely over. But then again hot baths were as infrequent in Azkaban as snow in the middle of July. His wet hair hung thick and beautiful down to his elbows, the long black locks catching the pale starlight that filled my room. His face, now clean and shaven seemed mysterious and severe with his sharp features. His sunken cheeks were no longer pale but had a faint hue of pink to them and his fingers were long and beautiful after a layer of dirt was discarded. The moved with obvious grace.

Slowly I realized that my chamber was still awfully dark. I turned to my fireplace, pulling out my wand from my robes, and started a small fire. Automatically warmth and light surrounded us in a hazy glow. I lit a few more candles by where Sirius sat before concealing my wand again. He looked up at me gratefully before he began to eat. 

We did not talk until he was finished. I sat in a chair by the door, paying close attention to the telltale sounds in the hallways outside my locked door. Once I heard footsteps echoing in the corridor, slow and steady, but they quickly passed. I sighed, resting my chin upon my palm. I glanced at Sirius and then at the ever-glowing hearth. This had to be one of my strangest nights ever.

As the silence continued, it egged on my wondering mind. I thought back to our very first kiss here at Hogwarts, our secret meetings in the tower during the nights, the night the wolf in me made him my mate forever. I recalled our last Christmas together-Hogwarts 1979. Both Peter and James and the rest Griffindor class had gone home for Christmas and our tower was empty. Sirius and I stared up all Christmas Eve night, talking and making love.

I was surprised to feel tears damping my eyelashes again. I sighed and brushed them away, ignoring the longing in my body. I didn't need this now. There was no need to be angry about lost time.

"Moony?" Sirius' voice filled the room with a gentle questioning. 

I moved my eyes to his face, causing more tears to fall down my cheeks. He looked magnificent in the firelight, the warming glow unfurling in his hair and brightening his dark eyes. There was a pained look in his face when he noticed my deteriorating composure. He stood up, his borrowed robe swishing around his ankles, and slowly made his way over to me.

I felt a tightening in my chest. I wanted to run. I wanted, needed, Sirius to stay away from me. If he got any nearer I would ravish him completely. I knew how I longed for his arms around me, his kisses on my neck, and his hands all over me. I knew we were threading on dangerous grounds. I had to be careful. But I so wanted this to happen. But I knew my reason wouldn't let me do this so soon. 

God, how I wanted him. 

Please, stay away, Padfoot. I can't trust myself right now with you so near.

"What's wrong?" he asked me, settling on the floor before me on his knees. I looked at him and tried to move away from his touch without much notice. I did my best to smile at him as if there was nothing to worry about. My hands rose from the armrests to touch him but I quickly stopped myself. With a moment's hesitance I put my hands on his shoulders and gently pushed him away.

"I can't do this," I whispered, almost bawling. "Please…just leave me be…"

Sirius stared at me in bewilderment before he grabbed my wrists. "Remus, calm down." His voice was as low as mine was but I could hear his concern and pain. "I won't force you to do anything. I would never think of hurting you. If you want I can leave now…"

I shook me head. "No, you misunderstood, Padfoot," I told him, swallowing my tears. "I…I do need you here but my side…I need you…I'm just shocked that I can feel all these…emotions again…I thought they were dead and gone…" I bite my lower lip and closed my eyes. I was trying to calm myself but the job turned out to be painfully difficult as Sirius slowly caressed my hands. I didn't know it this was intention or not.

"It's okay, Moony," he whispered. "I'll stay with you until I have to go. Now stop crying. I was never good enough to cry over." I felt his hands on my face. His fingertips slowly moved over my cheeks, wiping away my tears. I slowly opened my eyes. "I want you too, Moony, more then I could ever imagine," he said, his voice deep and sensual.

A chill of pleasure suddenly warmed me. I needed to kiss him so badly but I held back. Instead I let me eyes ravish his face, until I could recall every detail of his face.

"Suddenly forget what I look like?" her asked with a smile.

I shook my head. "I want to remember what you look like now," I told him in a quivering voice. "So that when you leave me I can still have you in my mind."

"You will never forget me," he replied, slowly running his fingers against my lips as if he were touching something sacred and inviolable. "And I will never forget you. I do love you, Moony."

Without thinking I leaned forward, putting my face inches from his. "I love you too, Padfoot," I whispered.

I felt his warm hands slide down the sides of my face to hold my neck, burning my flesh with his touch. He brought me closer to him and the distance and uncertainty between us vanished within seconds. When my lips touched his I felt my entire restraint crumble to my feet. At first he was gentle with me as I slowly opened up to his intimacy. I quickly realized I was fooling myself with my doubt and wrapped my arms around him. I needed him like I needed oxygen to tell you the truth. 

His mouth was hot and lustful against mine, filling me with heat and wanton passion. Soon I felt his teeth on my bottom lip and obediently I opened my mouth to him. He kissed me deeply, almost savagely as his tongue mated with mine. But I wasn't gentle either. The longing in me was too much to maintain in check suddenly after years of isolation. I needed him desperately and completely. 

I couldn't get enough of Sirius in my arms. With my arms tightening around his form, I moved my legs apart so that he could kneel comfortably between my knees. I felt him press his chest against me, rubbing intimately with my arousal. I moaned softly into his mouth and then suddenly the kiss was over.

"Do you remember our Christmas together when all the others were gone?" Sirius breathlessly asked me.

In I daze I nodded. He smiled at me and kissed me quickly. "You felt like liquid fire in my arms," he whispered into my ear. His voice was thick with desire. "You were so soft everywhere." I felt his hands on my chest, caressing me through the thin fabric. "You were so passionate." I felt his hands move lower and quickly he had me in his hands. The pleasure nearly killed me. I closed my eyes and collapsed against the chair. His hands were just as wicked as I remembered them to be and soon I was aching, kindled to a fevered pitch. I moaned with I felt his mouth against me, arching my back for more of his touch.

"Please, touch me," I groaned softly.

I felt Sirius pull away and then quickly stood up. I opened my eyes and saw him smiling down at me like the very devil, his hair falling over his brow. He pulled me to my feet. I was too weak with desire to stand on my own and crumbled into his arms like a doll, panting and throbbing against him.

"You're too wicked," I told him.

"I wasn't even trying," he replied with a grin before he ran his tongue across my mouth. I fell into his touch, intoxicated and seduced beyond reason. He was kissing me again and I clung to him, kissing him back with all I could. I felt his hands all over me, touching and exploring my body through my clothes. My own hands left his hard shoulders to move his chest. I felt his heart racing under my palm.

"I want you so badly," he murmured against my mouth.

I opened my eyes and slowly brushed my fingers against his neck. "You are still my mate, Padfoot," I told him in a trembling whisper. 

I leaned into his chest and kissed his neck. His skin was salty and warm against my tongue. I felt him shudder against me. I kissed his neck again as my fingers moved to the collar of his robe. I wanted to throw the damned garment off of him and feel his naked flesh against my own. I wanted to touch him everywhere. I wanted to me touch and suckled and seduced. I wanted to be his completely again. I gently pressed my knee into his pelvis and he groaned. He was hard against my leg.

Our hands worked with the speed that amazed me. Before I knew it I had striped him and I was halfway undressed before we reach my bed. I kissed the warm flesh on his chest and shoulders as I felt his hands undoing the buttons of my shirt, pulling it lose from my pants. And those where quickly discarded in a blink of an eye. Soon we stood completely naked before each other beside my bed. I wasn't even nervous or timid as I reached for him. I wanted to shower him with love and kiss him forever. 

Sirius wrapped his arms around me and buried his face in my neck. I sighed, closing me eyes when I felt his harness press against mine. It was too perfect this moment. I held him close, my fingertips moving across his back. I knew he was ticklish. 

Sirius pulled his face away from my neck and stared down at me, touching my face gently. He turned me and slowly pushed me down onto the bed. I laid down, the clean blankets touching my bare back, and felt him come down on me. I moan as my naked skin caressed his, tossing my head back in abandonment. He kissed my exposed neck, running his tongue across the sensitive skin as his hands felt me everywhere. I withered with pleasure and tangled my fingers in his long hair.

His hands where as my hips and then at my hard erection. He held me first and then began to stroke with his fingers, sending me into a daze. I arched my back, panting.

"Please don't stop," I whispered to him, clinging to his shoulders.

Sirius gave me a sinful smile and kissed my mouth. "Don't worry," he replied, just as breathless and taken by the beauty of it all. "We're not even started yet."

His voice sent ripples of passion throw me. I moaned and pulled him down to me. I kissed his mouth and face many times as he held me gently in his warm palms.

"I love you," I whispered to him over and over. It was almost a chant. I felt his mouth on my chest and heard his murmured voice, "I know, Moony. I love you too."

~*~*~*~

It was a little before dawn when Sirius shook me awake. I rose with a start; somewhere between dreadfully frightened and sleepily bewildered. Blinking, I looked around my room as if lost until I saw his thin figure black against the pale blue of early sunrise. He was kneeling very close to me on the bed.

"What's wrong, Padfoot? What is it?" I had noted with fear that he was fully clothed. He had borrowed a worn cape from me and sat with the hood almost completely covering his face. My heart broke. He was leaving me.

"I have to go," Sirius told me in a low whisper. He brought his hands up to my face and I leaned greedily into his touch. "It's almost dawn. I have to hid before someone sees me."

"Where will you go?"

"To the Shrieking Shack. It isn't far from here."

I nodded. "You're right. But let me go with you, Padfoot." I made a feeble attempt to get up but his hands on my shoulders stilled my actions. "No," he replied. "It's too dangerous. We might get caught. Just stay here. I'll be fine on my own."

"Don't leave so soon," I said desperately. "Let me go down to the kitchens and get some food for you."

I saw Sirius shake his head in the pale light. "Please don't. I'll manage on my own in the town as a dog."

I frowned. This was a useless battle. I had to let him go. But how I hated the partings. Almost in tears, I reached up and touch his face. I remembered how I had pleasured him again and again and how his face had changed with it. I had loved to watch it. I knew he liked to see how I had come undone with passion. It was amazing. He told me after our Christmas together that he liked it so much because it showed a different side of me. I guess it was true.

I pulled myself from my thought with a little sigh. Slowly I stroked his cheeks and his mouth in the darkness, loving the feel of the yielding flesh under my fingertips.

"So this is good-bye, right?" I whispered.

He gave a grave nodded, covering my hands with his. He moved closer to me. "I'll try to see you again if…"

"Please don't think about it, Padfoot." I hated those words. I hated to say them. "For your safety…I don't want you to get caught…This is it until time while allows us to meet again."

"I suppose it's for the best," he murmured softly. Even with the poor lightening I saw the old humor in his eyes. I smiled and kissed him gently, my mouth stroking his. I ran my hands through his hair as the sweet embrace continued. 

"The full moon is close, isn't it?" Sirius surprised me by asking as we pulled away from each other.

"Yes. In two days." I looked at him for a moment. "Why do you ask?"

He flashed a devilish smile. "Try to make it to the forest outside Hogwarts. Maybe as canines we can get a good shag."

"My God," I laughed. "What a perverse mind you have, Padfoot! Same old Sirius Black I see."

Sirius laughed and kissed me quickly again. I held him close to me as if afraid to let go. I didn't want to let go. I wanted time to stand still for us. But it didn't. It never did for long. Soon all the world and its burdens will come crashing down upon us and tear us apart again. It was inevitable. Nothing good ever lasts long.

I sighed as Sirius stood up. "Good-bye," I whispered. The tears were coming into my eyes again. "I love you, Padfoot."

"I love you too, Moony." I touch my face again. "Until time will let us meet again-Good bye." And then he was gone.

****

Author's Note: Was that scene sweet enough? **starts fanning herself** Oh my. Well, children, that's about as close to a lemon as I could get myself to write down. ^_^ I'm so proud of myself that I didn't die of embarrassment writing this story. But it's pretty, is it not? Actually it turned out very good I think. What about you? You like? I think Remus and Sirius are so cute together. What do you think? A sequel? I dun know…**shrugs** Well I hoped you liked it!!!!! 

(A/N: ) sorry to have said 'God!' so much in the fic. Normally I don't like to say that but…well what where they suppose to say 'My Gosh' or 'Bloody hell' or 'Bugger'? Sorry to offend those who were offended. But let's face it. Anything else would have been laughable. Could you image Remus saying, 'Bloody hell?' (Hehee…maybe…) Anyway, my apologies. ^_^


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